Pelvic Floor Exercises for Better Sex: Kegels, Relaxation and Toys

Pelvic floor exercises for better sex train the muscles that control arousal, orgasm, erections and comfort during penetration. Most people only hear about squeezing (Kegels), but a healthy pelvic floor needs to relax just as well as it contracts. This guide covers both, for every body.

TL;DR

• Your pelvic floor is a sling of muscle that plays a direct role in orgasm, erections and comfortable penetration.
• Kegels strengthen it. Breathing and stretching drills help it let go.
• Pain during sex usually means the muscles are too tight, not too weak, so more Kegels can make it worse.

Key Takeaways on Pelvic Floor Health and Sex

• Everyone has one: men, women and non-binary folks all have pelvic floor muscles, and they matter for sex in all of them.
• Two jobs, not one: the goal is a muscle that can squeeze hard and fully release, not one that stays clenched.
• Start simple: 10 reps of a 3 second squeeze and 3 second release, 2 to 3 times a day, is a common starting routine.
• Give it time: most people notice changes after a few weeks to a few months of steady practice.
• Toys can help: small, smooth dildos and plugs give you feedback when practising relaxation, and they make great "graduated" trainers.
• Get checked if it hurts: ongoing pain, leaking or erection trouble is worth a visit to a pelvic floor physiotherapist.

What the Pelvic Floor Does During Sex

The pelvic floor is a bowl of muscles that runs from your pubic bone to your tailbone. It holds up the bladder and bowel, and it wraps around the vagina, penis base and anus.

During arousal these muscles help keep blood in the genitals. At orgasm they contract in rhythmic waves, which is a big part of what you actually feel.

In people with a penis, two of these muscles squeeze the base of the shaft to firm up an erection and push out ejaculate. In people with a vagina, they grip during penetration and drive the pulsing of orgasm.

Weak vs Tight Pelvic Floor: Why It Matters for Sex

Pelvic floor problems come in two flavours, and the fix is different for each. Doing the wrong exercise can make symptoms worse.

Signs of a weak (underactive) pelvic floor

• Small leaks when you cough, sneeze, laugh or lift
• Less sensation during penetration or weaker orgasms
• Softer erections, or dribbling after peeing
• Finishing faster than you'd like

Signs of a tight (overactive) pelvic floor

• Pain during or after penetration, or pain with deep thrusting
• Trouble reaching orgasm, or painful ejaculation
• Trouble starting a pee stream, or constipation
• A dull ache in the pelvis, tailbone or lower back

Cleveland Clinic describes a hypertonic pelvic floor as muscles that stay contracted, which can cause painful sex, trouble reaching orgasm and erection problems. If that list sounds like you, skip straight to the relaxation drills below.

How to Find Your Pelvic Floor Muscles

Imagine you're trying to stop yourself from passing gas and also stop a pee midstream at the same time. That gentle lift and squeeze, without clenching your butt, thighs or stomach, is your pelvic floor.

• Vagina owners: insert a clean finger and squeeze. You should feel a gentle grip and lift.
• Penis owners: watch in a mirror. A correct squeeze makes the base of the penis pull in and the testicles rise slightly.
• Anyone: a clean, lubed finger at the anus should feel a squeeze and lift inward.

Don't practise by stopping your pee on purpose. Doing it regularly can stop your bladder emptying fully and raise the risk of a urinary tract infection.

Kegel Exercises for Better Sex: A Simple Routine

Mayo Clinic's step by step Kegel guide recommends finding the right muscles first, then practising lying down before moving to sitting and standing. Here's a beginner plan that follows that approach.

1. Empty your bladder and lie on your back with knees bent.
2. Breathe out and squeeze for 3 seconds. Keep your glutes, thighs and belly soft.
3. Breathe in and fully let go for 3 seconds. The release counts as much as the squeeze.
4. Repeat 10 times. That's one set. Do 2 to 3 sets a day.
5. Add a second each week until you can hold for 10 seconds with a 10 second rest.
6. Add quick flicks: 10 fast squeeze and release pulses after your long holds, for orgasm and ejaculation control.

Stop if you feel pain in your belly, back or hips. That usually means you're using the wrong muscles or overdoing it.

Pelvic Floor Relaxation Exercises for Painful Sex

If penetration hurts, your muscles probably need to learn to let go. These drills are gentle, and you can do them daily.

• Belly breathing: lie down, hand on your belly. Breathe in slowly so your belly rises, and picture your pelvic floor dropping and widening. Breathe out and let it float back. 5 minutes a day.
• Happy baby pose: on your back, hold the outside of your feet with knees wide. Rock gently side to side and breathe into your pelvis.
• Child's pose: knees wide, hips back to heels, arms forward. Breathe into your lower back and tailbone.
• Reverse Kegel: gently bear down as if starting a pee, without straining. Hold 3 seconds, then relax. This is the opposite of a Kegel.

If penetration pain is your main issue, our vaginismus dilator plan walks through a gentle step by step routine.

Pair these with plenty of lube and slower warm-up during sex. Arousal itself relaxes the pelvic floor, so rushing penetration often causes the pain you're trying to avoid.

Using Toys for Pelvic Floor Training

Toys give your muscles something to work against or relax around, which makes it easier to tell if you're doing it right. Pelvic floor physiotherapists often use similar tools in their clinics.

Small dildos as graduated trainers

A set of small dildos works a lot like a set of vaginal or anal dilators. Start with the slimmest one that feels easy, practise belly breathing with it in place, then move up a size only when it's comfortable.

Our small dildo guide breaks down 3, 4 and 5 inch sizes so you can build a sensible progression.

Squeezing against a toy

Once you can relax around a toy, try gentle Kegels with it inside. Feeling the toy move up and in is instant feedback that you've found the right muscles.

• Pick body-safe silicone. It's non-porous and easy to clean.
• Use a flared base for anything going in the butt.
• Use a water-based lube with silicone toys.

Anal and prostate play

Anal play depends on the pelvic floor letting go, which is why relaxation drills make it more comfortable. If you're just getting started, our guide to small dildos for anal beginners covers sizes and warm-up.

Pelvic Floor Exercises for Men: Erections and Stamina

Pelvic floor training isn't just a women's health thing. A 2005 study in BJU International found that after 6 months of pelvic floor exercises, 40% of men with erectile dysfunction regained normal erections and another 35.5% improved.

A 2019 systematic review in Physiotherapy also concluded that pelvic floor training appears effective for both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Researchers haven't settled on one best routine yet, so the basic plan above is a fine place to start.

• Do long holds for erection strength.
• Do quick flicks for ejaculation control.
• Practise a firm squeeze right after peeing to stop after-dribble.

When to See a Pelvic Floor Physiotherapist

Exercises at home help a lot of people, but they're not a fix for everything. Book a visit with your doctor or a pelvic floor physio if you have:

• Pain during sex that doesn't ease with lube, warm-up and relaxation work
• Leaks, urgency or constipation that keep coming back
• Erection problems lasting more than a few months
• Pain in your pelvis, genitals or rectum with no clear cause
• No change after 3 months of regular practice

A physio can check whether your muscles are weak, tight or both, and give you a plan for your body.

For the rest of the picture (testing, toy hygiene, lube and more), see our sexual health tips, or browse every guide in our sexual health and wellness hub. This post is general information, not medical advice.

Pelvic Floor and Sex FAQ

Do Kegels really make sex better?

For many people, yes. Stronger pelvic floor muscles are linked to stronger orgasms, firmer erections and better control. Results usually show up after a few weeks to a few months of regular practice.

Can you do too many Kegels?

Yes. Over-training can leave the muscles tight and sore, which can cause pain during sex. Always fully relax between squeezes and stop if anything hurts.

Can men do pelvic floor exercises?

Absolutely. Men have the same muscle group, and research links pelvic floor training to better erections, less premature ejaculation and less dribbling after peeing.

Can I use a dildo for pelvic floor exercises?

Yes. A small, smooth, body-safe dildo can help you practise relaxing during penetration and give feedback when you squeeze. Go slow, use plenty of lube and size up gradually.

Why does sex hurt if my pelvic floor is strong?

Pain often comes from muscles that are too tight, not too weak. Relaxation drills, longer warm-up and lube usually help more than extra Kegels. If pain sticks around, see a pelvic floor physio.